Just Wait.

As you all are now aware, I am expecting my 4th child. That in itself is not terribly amazing, but how it all happened is a testimony to me of my Heavenly Father's love and concern. As some of you already know, having children or better yet, conceiving, hasn't come easy to me. On my own it took a year to get pregnant with Keaton. I wasn't willing to put that many years between my kids and took Clomid (a fertility drug) with both Sam and Emmi and it worked the very first month with each. I thought I had it all figured out. I could get pregnant when I wanted to and wouldn't when I didn't. I guess I had forgotten who is really in charge when it comes to babies.

We started trying for another child a few months after Emmi turned 1 and to no avail. This past year I have been on and off Clomid, with even a double dose one month. Still nothing. Frustrated and very tired of getting my hopes up each month Chad and I started to think that maybe this was our answer. We should be done. There are no more. We started talking about birth control, and how nice it would be to be out of the baby stage, but it still didn't seem right. In my prayers I kept hearing "Just wait," but I wondered for how long, and what that exactly meant. Was a baby really coming? Or was I waiting for a confirmation that our family was complete? I really didn't know. Chad didn't know, and of course thought that I should know.

So I stepped back and waited like the prompting said. No Clomid, or preventative measures, just waited to get an answer either way. I think both Chad and I had put babies out of our heads for awhile. And the more time went on the more I started to really like the idea of being done. I liked the idea of being done with diapers, nursing and of course pregnancy. The next thing I knew I was sold on the birth control and called up my OB-GYN to send me in some birth control. He said I had to wait until my period started, which I hadn't seen since that last failed dose of Clomid. So there was my birth control, waiting at the pharmacy and me, waiting for my period.

Well, the 2 month mark came and went, (which is normal for me) and I told myself to give it 1 more week and then take a test. By this point I was starting to feel the twinges of nausea and my suspicions were high, although I really tried to not get my hopes up. That week and even another went by before I got the courage to take the test, which was immediately positive.

This is what humbles me. With my last 2 babies Clomid helped me get pregnant on the very first try. This last year after 3 single doses and 1 double dose, nothing, and the month that I don't use anything I get pregnant. This tells me that the magic isn't in the Clomid, it is in my loving Heavenly Father. Without his help, I would not have babies. For some reason that I cannot see, I was supposed to get pregnant that month and Heavenly Father knew it. I am so grateful he watches out for me and my family, and that he told me that I should just wait. I am also very excited to meet this little one and see just why it was important for (her/him) to join our family.