Help!

Help! I got a post stating that I have met my limit for photos on this blog.  I cannot delete any because I have yet to make my posts into a book.  How did you all get around this?  

I also need to update my heading and side pictures, but I don't have Photoshop.  What do you all use?

Did I mention?

Where has the month gone?  Well, these are some things that you might have missed, or at least I have neglected to post about.  Emmi lost her first tooth.  She wiggled it out during one Sacrament meeting and has been showing everyone she can since.  Oh, and did I mention she has a lisp now? What a cutie!

Keaton did get his cast off just before Halloween, and with the little saw, no less.  Keaton was squirming and giggling the whole time.  He kinda freaked out a bit when Dr. Peterson turned it on.

We were delighted to have not only Grandma "B" but also Great Grandma Hess come down and watch our primary program this year, and both took time to play barbies with Emmi. (Sorry, I neglected to take one of Grandma "B" and Emmi, but she plays with Emmi almost every visit).  How sweet is that?

Keaton and Sam got invited over for their first sleepover.  They got to go and party with Caleb, Luke and Isaac Sutton.  They had a blast!

Since the boys got a sleepover, I promised Emmi that Daddy would take the rest of us out for dinner.  So, we had a little Taco Bell and Maddi Rocks ice cream.  Emmi and Jack were happy with that.
 

I also told Emmi she could sleep in Jack's room so she didn't have to sleep alone in the basement.  It took these two monkeys FOREVER to fall asleep, but once asleep, they actually sleep the whole night.

Halloween!

It was a hard Halloween at our house.  Emmi and Jack started getting sick a few days before, and were still running a fever that morning.  So, of course, I had to keep Emmi home from school that day, which I felt terrible about.  Being in Kindergarten, it was her first time to wear her costume to school, be in the school's Halloween parade, and first class party.  I guess I lucked out that it was her first, and she really didn't realize how much she was missing.  She didn't take it too hard.  I did though.  What a crummy day to be sick!  I told her that we would still let her go trick-or-treating, being it was Halloween after all.

Before we headed down to trunk-or-treat, we had to stop by and see some of our favorite people, who sweetly always have a special bag of treats waiting for my kids.  First was our Carolyn.  For the first time since we have moved to Payson, we did not get to show Ida Mae our costumes, and that was sad to me.  However, Carolyn was as cute as she could be with the kids. 

Next was Max and Linda's house, who are good friends of Chad and I's that we met through working at the temple.  We lucked out in that they live in Payson too.

Max was even good to get in a shot with the kids.  I just love these people.

This is my FAVORITE costume that I have ever bought.  Yoda is special to me and for a number of reasons.  First, when I was a baby, I was bald.  I also was blessed with my Dad's slightly pointy ears and hence, my uncles on my mother's side used to tease and call me Yoda as a baby.  This was all said before I was old enough to know, thank goodness, because I probably would have thought my uncles mean.  But anyway, it makes me smile to dress my kids up as "their mother" for Halloween. Then, in high school, and the first year I was on the drill team, our motto was "Do or do not, there is no try," which are Yoda's clever lines, and was one of my first times to actually watch and appreciate Star Wars.  And lastly, it has been said that Yoda's physical characteristics were patterned after another great spiritual leader, Pres. Spencer W. Kimball.  I can totally see the resemblance, and makes me love Yoda all the more.  It is also is too darn cute on little toddlers.. you just can't beat it.


Remember this?  Emmi was the first one to don the Yoda back in 2008.

 


After the trick-or-treating was over, it was time for more visits to favorite people.  First, was Grandma and Grandpa Thornock, who now live nice and close.  We didn't get to stay long, being a school night and all, but the kids sure surprised Grandma when she came to door.  It took her a minute to recognize us.

Last for the night was Grandma and Grandpa Hunsaker.  Grandma told Keaton his red eyes were sure scary.

So, another Halloween is in the books.  It wasn't my favorite.  It just felt off.  Normally we have pumpkin pizza from Papa Murphy's, but we had to settle on grabbing a pizza late and eating it in the car on the way to Santaquin.  The trunk-or-treat was a bust, I am kicking myself that I didn't take a picture of the back of Emmi's costume because the long braid was so darling, but worst of all, when we got home that night from the Hunsaker's, we found one of our pumpkins smashed in the driveway, another one missing, and the candy, along with my favorite mixing bowl no where to be found!  

It was the very first time we had left a bowl out, and only because were not going to be gone for more than one hour, and becase there was no trunk-or-treat, we had a lot candy that we wanted gone.  The kids felt the worst about the missing bowl, and Keaton all teary-eyed asked me if we should call the cops.  I felt bad that it shook them up so.  After school the next day, I even found my boys looking around my front yard to see if they could find the bowl, since the only way I could appease them to sleep that night was the idea that maybe it was just hidden somewhere in the yard, and not stolen.  Oh, what sweet boys I have!  

Oh well, I guess there is always next year.  Hopefully, it will be a healthier, and all around, better Halloween for all of us.

Us.

 

I have been waiting to post these family pictures that we had taken months ago, wanting to decide first what ones will be put on the annual Christmas card, but there are simply too many good ones to choose from.  That decision still has to be made.  

This year a bigger decision has been made, however.  I am pleased to finally be able to say that you are looking at our family, and until our children get married, this is us.  I know, some of you may be thinking that you were sure that I had made this announcement already, and this is no news.  Well, it is for me. 

I really thought I was done when I had Jack, now over two years ago.  I was careful to enjoy every moment I could of his pregnancy and newborn stage, knowing that it would be my last, and I was happy with that. Then, a year or so later, one of my best friends had her baby girl and wrote a beautiful post on her blog where she told of her experience, and how she knew without a doubt that she was done having children and the peace that she felt.  As I went to comment on her blog, I intended to say something along the lines of "Isn't it great knowing you're done?  I love it too!".. but the words wouldn't come.  I was left staring at my computer screen realizing that I did not have that same assurance.  I had doubts that we were complete.  I stewed about it for days, knowing that Chad would die if he knew I was thinking of adding another.  

Finally I got up the courage and told him my doubts.  As only Chad could, he smiled and gave his deep hearty laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.  And, as only Chad could do, he listened and did not shoot it down.  He encouraged me to pray and think on it some more and promised to do the same.  Finally, I came to conclusion to try and see if there was another one waiting.  Chad supported my decision and trusted my judgment.  Consequently, I have spent the better part of this year hoping for another and then making myself sick with worry that I indeed could be pregnant.  I do not use the term "sick with worry" lightly.  The curse of my over-anxious mind is the constant what-ifs.  And many, many nights when I believed that I should have started my period, I was shaking in my bed to the point of nausea and vomiting from fear alone that I could be pregnant, praying over and over in my head to not be pregnant.

Of course, I was not indeed pregnant, and curiously during the daytime I would find the courage to say I will keep trying to get pregnant.  I repeated this up and down cycle for probably longer than a normal person would.  I couldn't see what I was doing to myself, and still couldn't shake the guilt that would come if I thought I would stop trying.  With every prayer I felt confused, and felt no answer.  As much as I would have loved to have another, I also wanted more than anything to be done.  I simply couldn't imagine doing the baby thing all over again.

Finally, a few months ago I decided to fast yet again for some help.  I desperately wanted to know what I should do.  All day, I listened for answers, but nothing came.  I do not think it was a coincidence that I felt prompted to pay a visit to my little sister Erin, and her sweet family that night.  As Erin and I chatted in her living room, me holding her sweet baby boy, I opened up to her, and told her my situation.  Not only was she a wonderful listener, but she said exactly what I needed to hear.  Basically, she reminded me that my Heavenly Father wanted me to be happy, and obviously I was not at the moment.  She pointed out that given my mental state of health, I probably should not be pregnant, and should be proud of the ones that I have been given.  But more importantly to me, she suggested that maybe I was not getting an answer because the Lord was leaving the decision up to me.  That is what brought me to tears and gave me peace on my ride home that night.  I felt the truth in those words.  

I realized that I really did not want to have any more, but was still seeking the confirmation that I needed to move on.  As I made the decision to get back on birth control, and moved forward with that, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and immense peace.  

The result is that today I have a little less anxiety, (knowing that pregnancy will not be happening); gratitude for my four beautiful babies whom I love to pieces and that I have been given; gratitude for my friend who shared her story and started my much-needed discovery (thanks Beck); a much deeper love and appreciation for my sweet husband, who is so supportive and puts up with me and my madness all too often; gratitude for the inspired words of my wise and caring sister, and of course, my kind father in heaven.  

I am so grateful that he patiently waited for me to come to this conclusion on my own.  I am confident that he knew me well enough and how big of a decision is it to me, to know that the long, roundabout way was the only way to give me piece of mind. Now I can look forward with excitement to the future, focusing everything that I have to those that are in front of me, and be the best wife and mother that I can be. 

 

 

Eddie's Blessing Day

There were so many things about my nephew Henry's too early death that I feel like we got jipped on.  Seeing him be blessed by his daddy and cradled by his mama was one of them.   I had faith, and prayed that there would be another for Erin and Rob, one we got to ooh and ahh over, gather as a big family and enjoy a wonderful day together. 

And, that day did come.

Little Edward Henry was as dashing as he could be all in white.

The Thomsons and the Koellikers did indeed gather and ooh and ahh over his perfect features.

 

In short, it was a terribly wonderful day.