I have been thinking about my little sister Erin, for today marks another milestone. Little Henry died 6 months ago. I am pretty sure that February 13 was a terrible nightmare for Erin and Rob, but I can tell you that it was a terrible day for me as well. Throughout Henry's week I held hope that the results from the MRI would be positive, and that very soon Erin and Rob would be taking him home. Never did I once entertain the thought that Henry wouldn't live. It was just too much.
Looking back on that day I can remember the phone call, with my Dad giving me the results of the MRI, and how hard I tried for him to tell me that he was joking. I remember crying hysterically while relaying the news to Chad and the overwhelming sadness that descended. The rush up to the hospital, and seeing all of the family. The worst part would have had to have been walking into the hospital room, where Erin sat in a rocking chair, holding Henry in her arms. The sadness was tangible, and no one was exempt from puffy red eyes. I was so happy for Erin, to finally be able to hold her baby boy, yet devastated that they were soon going to stop the machines that were keeping him alive.
Even now, as I type this, my tears are flowing. Like Erin said in her recent post, I would give anything to go back and do that week over. To be able to have Henry here, watching him thrive and grow. Erin means a lot to me and I hate to see her sad and unhappy. I would do anything to fix this for her, but I can't, and I hate it. She is amazingly strong, even through this unimaginable circumstance, and I believe her and Rob have many happy years ahead.
3 comments:
THese times are so hard. They are things you never forget. Being her first it must have been devestating. SOmetimes I think it really is a test of our faith and whether we truly believe and understand the plan of happiness. Though sweet Henry is not here on earth, what's better than knowing that his no doubt with his Father in Heaven. As a parent it really brings in to perspective what we are doing here on earth and striving to live the gospel to it's fullest to be with that family member again. I think you stop living the gospel just for yourself but for your family.
What a sweet entry. Thank you Beaner for being such a thoughtful sister. Over the years I have found that there is nothing that compares to a sister. I am so thankful that the three of you are not only sisters, but friends. Like you, I will never forget that day. Hopefully someday it will all make sense to me. After 6 months I am still struggling.
Beaner, Rob and I were so touched by this post. Like I said on the phone, I think that I was most struck by your willingness to be completely honest about your memories and emotions. Losing Henry has been a nightmare for us and I think it has been difficult for everyone in our family as well. It is okay to mourn for him and I think it is even more okay not to provide answers as to why he left us because we simply do not know why. All we can do is reflect on his beautiful spirit, his short little time on this earth and how much he means to us.
I am grateful to have such a supportive and caring sister. I love you so much. Thank you for being a good aunt to my Henry.
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